The secret place you will meet your perfect match – includes free map

The secret place you will meet your perfect match – includes free map

Let’s play a game. Treasure hunt? I’m going to guide you to find this secret place. My ninja skill is highly sophisticated, and while you were asleep last night, I sneaked in your room and have implanted a chip in your brain through your nostril. You should now be able to visualise an ancient yellowing scroll with cuffed edges roll open right in front of you. There was an option for a GoogleMap in the chip, but I went for the impractical yet pretty to look at version, sorry. At the moment, the map is blank, but here is the clue to unlock the script. Tell me where you met your current or last sweetie pie, then you know it was not at some sort of secret society in a dungeon, unless that is your thing. You met them at school, work, through friends, online, through hobbies, doing grocery shopping, in a bar, at a party, concert…where you were just being you. So the same must go to who you are going to meet in the future. It’s not like he or she is an elusive unicorn living in a parallel universe, they are just going about their lives just like you in this world. Now that we have identified that they exist, and they are out there, how do we meet them? I think it is very similar to how you make friends. I don’t want you to mistake this with ‘Pokemon Go!’. True, some participants might look like and behave like monsters, but we are all human beings after all with feelings.  

In real life, it sounds reasonable that you are likely to meet someone you get along with enjoying what you enjoy doing. As for online dating, the opinion is split, but it is not the internet that is bad, but there are bad people who use them, just the same as in real life. These platforms are merely providing you with the opportunity to meet someone, and it is entirely up to you what you make out of it in real life afterwards. I actually went on some awesome dates using Tinder with London’s most eligible bachelors, but most of all, I’ve enjoyed the adventure, learned new things, and made some good friends on the way, so I don’t believe that it is all that bad. In either case, I think the problem arises when you have too much expectation that the person you meet anywhere will definitely be ‘The One’, or ‘The One…Night Stand’, relative to wherever the place in your life you are coming from. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy the experience of getting to know someone and be inspired, instead of making it an either or situation? Go with the flow, and if it is fun, repeat, if not, abandon mission. I want you to include some detour to fairgrounds, beaches, and eating nice food and ice cream on your map, rather than a straight line from point A to point B. Oh oops, also, there is no such thing as a perfect match, as nobody is perfect… Hmmm, was that a surprise? We make it more complicated than what it is, and I probably was guilty of it in the past too, to forget that the other person is human too with faults, but it made me see things differently by being at the receiving end of people who are under the influence of this wide spread delusion that you can find someone ‘perfect’, the same way you can go out and order something via Amazon according to your specification. It’s so prevalent, it’s almost as if this was a compulsory lesson at some institution they all attended. Or is there some sort of group hypnosis going on? Let me explain.

‘Hello, my name is Nicholas, and I apologise for the unusual approach to contact you this way, but I did not have any other option as we did not match. I saw your profile online and you are exactly the kind of woman I would like to be dating.’

I got a message one day from a classically handsome man in his mid-fifties with some French last name, who looked like he just stepped out of an old Hollywood film, with a full head of soft shiny greying hair, contrasting with his strong masculine dark decisive eyebrows. The kind of man your mother will swoon over just by looking at his photo. I don’t quite get George Clooney, but I’d say he is a softer European version. And his eyes! Wow! As if they were made out of ice balls you get in whisky highballs, but his were made out of pure clear azure ocean water with some mint syrup poured over the crystal globe. He seemed taller than most of his friends in the photos too. At this point, I don’t know his personality yet, so I only have photos to go by, so please cut me some slack for being superficial. Usually, messages like this from a stranger do not pop up on Facebook, but as this man seemed to have couple of friends of friends in common, his message came through. On closer inspection, not only was he indirectly connected to me, he seemed to be friends with Arpad Busson and other rich and famous faces, so he probably was not going to kill me, right? Before replying, I google-searched his name, and he came up as a former senior guy at Goldman Sachs and now a CEO of an investment company. Thank you Google. This was around the time when I only started to finally be able to date again after a traumatic end to the long term relationship and losing a baby, so I was still trying to figure out what the dating norms were. My online profile had something simple that focused more on sharing an experience together to find out about each other organically, than a long CV of myself, as I wanted to avoid being a commodity people think they can buy based on the specification. Sure, made in Japan is bound to be high quality, but I am not an electrical product. I said something like ‘Currently studying for CFA. Do you want to help me or distract me?’ or ‘Currently conducting ‘chemistry’ experiment…do you want to be my guinea pig?’. Sounds more fun and interactive than a list such as ‘I am a woman, 5’6, with two eyes, sometimes fart at the wrong place at the wrong time, but never in an elevator (everybody hates a gas chamber), gets random spot on my chin occasionally, and like music, reading, and eating food, (but dairy intolerant), … works in a bank but has a GSOH (if this was not an oxymoron).’? It was only meant to serve as an ice breaker anyway, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

So, I went in with the light-hearted approach that it won’t hurt to have coffee or a drink and see if we have chemistry (after all this was a ‘chemistry’ experiment), and even if we don’t, at least come out as a friend since we were not total strangers. How wrong was I…

‘So where do you work?’

‘What do you do there?’

‘Do you enjoy your work?’

‘Where were you born?’

‘What sports do you play?’

‘What music do you like?’

‘What kind of art do you like?’

‘Why don’t you have children at your age?’

‘Do you want children?’

‘How many children do you want?’

We barely had the chance to order our first drink at the bar. That was to be our last drink also. Conversation should be to enjoy each other, like playing a good round of tennis. On the other hand, this is a one-sided interview for a role called his ‘girlfriend’. Even worse, I’d actually go further and call it an interrogation, because it can only be an interview if I have applied to that role, but I have not even had time to figure out if I want to, if at all. I certainly can’t imagine having a child with a man I only met 15 minutes previously. It is a very difficult question to answer. I imagine the person I choose to be with will say to me, whether I can or can’t have a child, it doesn’t matter as long as we are together, and that he loves me and that not to worry, we’ll find a way, because he loves me as a human being, not the idea of me to fulfil just his needs. Respect to a man like that. I guess this French man either wanted or did not want a child, and was looking for someone who felt the same more than wanting to connect with others. It is his life, so he should do what he likes. I was merely a stock to analyse if he should buy or not on a superficial level, and the awkward person that I am, I didn’t know how to respond to many of his questions. At least he kindly paid for the drinks, so I thanked him afterwards by text.

‘Thank you for the drinks tonight. I thoroughly enjoyed your interrogation. ;)’ Joke. Obviously. Will he get it?

‘That’s good to hear, I have more questions for you next time we meet.’

Er….really? Kind of hard not to be disheartened by this whole dating experience that I am merely a stock to be analysed. At least I learned what not to do to others, so I consider this positive. I promised myself that I will never let anyone interrogate me and made to feel uncomfortable unless I am tied up and have no choice. Haha. Like James Bond. See, James Bond was a gentleman. Where are modern day gentlemen these days? Getting interrogated is one thing, but to be criticised for being me, is taking it to another level.

My friend Whatsapped me if I’d be up for a blind date with one of her husband’s friend. I play the piano, and apparently this friend called Andreas is also into piano. Hmmm, not much more information. Feeble attempt to sell him as the ‘perfect’ match, but I’m open to try anything, and go with the flow so I agreed to a double date. Why not.

Andreas, with his immaculately side combed dark blond hair with no strand astray, in a powder blue linen jacket, perfect for a well-seasoned player, complete with precisely folded pocketchief, was standing outside Annabel’s in Mayfair, private member’s club as I arrived in a taxi. He also just arrived. Drizzly grey sky in London again. Had to watch out for puddles as the usher outside the club opened the door and as I got out of the car. It is an art form to get out of a car elegantly.

‘Haven’t seen you in ages!’ The usher cheerfully greeted. He either has a photographic memory, or he just says that to everyone.

So far so civilised. Andreas smiled at me, saying ‘You must be Peach’ with a smile. Wait, was it a smile? He couldn’t quite smile as his forehead didn’t lift up naturally. Has he had Botox? Anyway, none of my business, so we glide down the narrow stairs, sucked deep into the belly of this underground club. As we wait for our friends to arrive, we order a Kir Royal for me, and an espresso martini for him at the bar. I always love watching the frisson of excitement as the champagne is poured into the glass. He was telling me he had been exercising all day, as a young petite, skinny Oriental girl rushed towards him and gave him an intimate hug.

‘Peach, let me introduce you to my friend China, and her friend Tina.’ And as she was being introduced, China proceeded to caress his cheek. Awkward, but fine, up to them, as I just met all of these people.

‘Oh look now who is here!’ And my friend and her husband arrived. But as they came closer to our gathering, the husband noticed these two girls, and was totally confused and proceeded to quiz Andreas in the corner. I’m trying not to get involved, while we were led to our table. Turns out he wanted to show off that he is popular. O…K… And throughout the evening, we had to listen to him talk about how he became the member of the club, by showing the clippings from the Economist and other newspapers featuring him. Nobody was really interested, but China kept on stroking his hand (ego?) on the table and encouraging him.

He now turned his attention to me after his ego was stroked well enough to speak to me. He took my hand and inspected my nails.

‘You need to have them longer. I like them painted fire engine red.’ Er…I play the piano so I can’t have long nails?

He then looked me in the eyes. Well, looked at my eyelashes to be precise, and asked me if my lashes were fake. Yes, I did have some false lash added in the corner of my eyes to accentuate my eyes, but nothing that obvious.

‘You see, I notice fine details. You know, in my job, I deal with highly valuable antiques, and you have to get the details right.’ I kind of already guessed that he is a details man just from the way he folded his pocketchief and combed his hair. He then moved his gaze to my lips.

‘You know, you are very pretty. But you would be so much prettier if you had your lips plumped up. You know, fuller, with collagen. I think women should improve themselves by whatever means.’ WTF?! I just met you half an hour ago? This is definitely not a seduction technique I recommend.

‘Oh, and as for your breasts…’ Oh now, you are staring at my boobs? Oh man!

‘…they are too big for my liking. You know, you are Oriental, you should have smaller boobs.’ To that, I was finally able to argue back that I am very happy with my boobs and think they are perfect as they are. I have seen insecure men often say negative things about a woman during a date to apparently bring down her defence, but it is all too common these days, someone genuine and kind is more valuable. Besides, what is the point of following a formula you learned in a book, be it The Rule or The Game, because you are pretending to be someone else, not being yourself.

When he went to the toilet, China whispered to me that she has a boyfriend, but Andreas is a good contact to have to get into these places. I guess that explains why she kept fawning over him, and maybe she thought I am here for the same reason? For me, it’s not getting into the most fashionable or exclusive places, but the company that is important. And my time is precious. So I excused myself after dinner that I am tired, and made my polite exit. (I have learned not to endure prolonged unnecessary discomfort from the other date! Progress!) My friend rushed after me and was extremely apologetic, but it is not her fault. Nobody’s fault. He is the way he is and there will be someone who will love him as he is, but just not compatible with me and my principles. She said, in his defence, he probably was very nervous, and that they have never seen him act like that, because they only know him socially. It is a pity, but it could’ve been worse. Like me, stabbing him in the crotch with my steak knife when he was making those inappropriate comments. Ha.            

Meeting this type of people made me think though. When you put this in a different context when you are making friends, do you interrogate before you become friends? No. Do we get annoyed if someone doesn’t look a certain way to be your friend, or do you ever force them to change? No. So why on earth are we doing it when it comes to romance? Is it coming from the place of fear that you have to conduct a due diligence, or have unrealistic expectations? This means, you might have met them already in the past, but you were approaching it in a way that stopped the relationship developing naturally by focusing too much about what YOU want, and what YOU are going to gain or lose from the relationship, and YOUR end goal from the onset, instead of appreciating them and connecting on a human level and enjoying the moment, because building good memory in the present leads to the future, but future on its own is only a mirage. If people want to travel with you to the future, it will happen naturally, and it’s not something you can force. What do you think?

Anyway, let’s forget about hunting for the treasure, I want to change our strategy. I want to address the things that are within our control, not wait for fate to bring you the unicorn to make you happy. We can take charge of our own lives, change our own mindset that THOSE PEOPLE are the treasures, and you desperately wanting to be picked. Why not be the most valuable asset in the world yourself, by being the best version of you, be who you are meant to be, own your own issues instead of living in fear, who can find your own happiness, make your own rules, and let the world seek you out. In search of the Holy Grail. And the Holy Grail is YOU! Indiana Jones, I’m waiting for you. ;) Catch me if you can? Let the chase commence! <Winks and turns around, and starts running> Oh, by the way, you are coming with me for the ride. The chip I implanted in your brain last night, I have programmed it so that the old map will self-destruct just about now <Boom. Gone> so you have to find your own path with me, and I have also programmed it so that you become addicted to my stories, where you will unconditionally agree with my way of thinking. I know, I am evil. Hehe ;)

Fu*k, I just basically revealed that the title of this article is totally misleading, and that this secret place or your ‘perfect’ match doesn’t exist. Oh well… At least you figured out you were the treasure all along. Go figure out the rest yourself.

More on what I found out through dating and if age matters in the next blog. Toy boy vs Sugar Daddy? Also, ideas on what to wear to dates.

Chat again soon!

Love,

Asako xxx

*Note: Some names and information have been changed under my artistic license